What is the best / worst excuxe you ever called in sick with

I Used Up all my sick days can I call in dead ?

 

 
There’s a giant gorilla climbing up my building with a girl in his hands

 

 

I was with my flight attendant last night and I pulled some thing.

 

 

I have been thinking a lot about the way you treat me.

 

 

But the hooker said you would understand.

I’m in a coma

I need some me time.

My mother my sister and my father  just died …..no this is a lot worse then when they died last week.

 

The voices in my head said I am way to sick to come in today

 

Security won’t let me walk in with the shotgun.

 

My LSD wont wear off and you’re a buzz kill.

 

 Your wife won’t untie me.

 
 I’m feeling great my life’s great I’m health I’m happy so I’m thinking  why fuck that up by dealing with assholes like you.

 
Id comes in but I can’t make bail till you give me a raise.